LANGUAGE – FOR LOVE OR HATRED?

PERFECTION  IN  IMPERFECTION

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”

                                                                                                            1 Corinthians 13: 4-8

The crowd was huge and unruly, and covered me from all directions. Fathers, mothers, grandparents, great grandparents, uncles, aunts and siblings teemed the neonatal outpatient department (OPD) in various permutations and combinations. The common factor was the presence of infants of various ages and sizes that they carried. The Neonatal OPD catered to newborns less than 28 days of age, as well as babies discharged from our NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) after being successfully treated for all sorts deadly diseases, till 18 months of age. The latter, medically known as “high risk infants” were fondly called as “NICU Graduates”. Alongside the above-mentioned groups, babies referred from primary health centres, those needing blood investigations and babies admitted in mother`s ward for injections also added to the crowd.

The security guard, intern and I, (the resident doctor in charge) were negotiating this rabble with all our skills. “Please co-operate with us! There should be only one attender with each baby! Please maintain queue! Defaulters will not be seen by me!”, I shouted at the top of my voice and collapsed back on my chair. After 5 minutes of protest, some kind hearted people were sensitive enough to tell people around them, “Doctor Madam is finding it difficult to see the babies if we crowd around her, lets form a queue”. The crowd became organized and I resumed my work.

In every OPD, a doctor meets different genres of people. The timid, the arrogant, the helpless, the well-mannered, the grateful, and so on. Among the chaos, I had been noticing a well-mannered couple trying to form a queue from the beginning. The husband made sure that his wife and baby were protected from the crowd, by encircling them with his arms. They came to me when their turn came and wished me good morning with a smile. It is not always that one gets to see patients or by-standers who realize that doctors are human enough to be smiled at, especially in government hospitals. The baby, who was around six months of age, was chubby, cute, joyful and active, and he immediately made it his mission to pull my stethoscope from my neck. “Your boy looks healthy and happy, why was he admitted at all?”, I asked jovially, while guarding my stethoscope with my life. “Madam he had jaundice.”, the mother carefully told the unfamiliar word that she learnt. I assessed the baby`s growth and development, and informed the parents that it was satisfactory. After updating his casefile and advising further follow-up, I started to call the next patient. The parents looked at each other as if they wanted to tell me something more. “Yes, anything else?”, I asked.

“Madam, we both are AIDS patients and are on regular treatment. His first tests came negative. The doctor at the special centre told he still needs more tests. Will he be okay Madam?”, the father told me very gently and deliberately, while the mother made sure that people around them were not listening.

 The moment anyone tells about their positive HIV status, it’s like a bombshell being dropped. Even for medical personnel, a revelation of someone being HIV positive is not happy news. We have to be all the more careful about even the smallest symptom and smallest procedure. We become suddenly aware of the lightest non-gloved touch on the patient, and break our heads to remember any body fluid that we may have touched. The baby`s laughter disrupted my train of thoughts and made me realize my hypocrisy. I reminded myself that it is the medical fraternity`s responsibility to treat them with respect, empathy and compassion. I asked a few more questions about the baby and reassured them again.  I explained to them in detail about the protocols followed when a baby was exposed to HIV. And that final confirmation needed some more time. They listened to every word patiently and thanked me profusely. As busy as the OPD was, I couldn’t help asking about how they got married.

                                                 

They both had inglorious pasts that they did not want to remember. They were nonchalant, ignorant, unrestrained and unsuspecting. That fateful day when they learnt of their unrelenting disease, they were broken and crushed. They were thrown out from their homes by those who should have stood by them. They wanted to end their lives, because they realized that it required tremendous courage and forgiveness to live each day. They tried to make a living with safe and honest jobs, but the moment their employer learnt of their secret, they were thrown out and treated like stray dogs. They were ostracized and degraded by everyone around them. They strived with hope against hope, but were let down every time. When they came to know about free check-ups and medicines in government hospitals, they started consulting the ART(Anti-Retroviral Therapy) centre in a government hospital. 

Once during a regular check-up visit, they met each other. They had a casual talk, and realized that they both had similar pasts and were fighting against the burden of rejection. Over a period of few months, and hours of phone-conversations, both of them were undeniably convinced that they had met the love of their lives. For the first time in their lives, there was no rejection and fear, but only acceptance and harmony. They met again and confessed their love for each other. Within a few days, he knelt down in front of her, and she said “I do!”

“We have only each other in this life madam”, the husband continued. “We both were unchaste and promiscuous. Now God has given us a second chance with a life that we only dreamt of. Most people try to discourage us by telling that we cannot have a normal life and that we cannot love. But Madam, now we know what love is- the unconditional love of God and this heaven on earth between us. Our married life is beautiful, and now God has blessed us with this small treasure. This is our time for rectitude and we will bring up our boy with what we lacked. Life is hard, and I have to toil day and night to make ends meet, but there is so much satisfaction in integrity and hard work. Even if the whole world stands against us, we can still win by being happy, with God`s blessings!”

His narration came with such eloquence and depth, that unknowingly I was on my feet. I folded my hands and told them that I was honoured to have met them. That I was privileged to have witnessed a love so pure, outside the bondage of appearance, colour, caste or social status. As they thanked me and left, I couldn’t help but admire the way he held them close and manoeuvred gently through the crowd around them. There was so much perfection in their imperfection. So much abundance in their poverty. So much genuineness which is rare in this plastic world filled with plastic smiles and emotionless emoticons.

As I slowly settled back in my chair, I whispered to myself a favourite bible verse, “Love does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails……”